Learning to love myself

I would consider my life at the present time to be blessed. I live in a beautiful place where I wake up every morning in our home on the canals, where the dolphins play and enjoy catching their morning feed on the abundant fish life which is prevalent here. We have ducks and black swans cruising the canals with their babies, and it is a haven for bird life and filled with peace and serenity. I have a wonderful family of a son and daughter and 5 grandchildren, all healthy and well, living their own lives with little support needed from me. I have spiritual friends who value and appreciate me and a wonderful partner to share my life.

The main message I received was learning to “self love”. If I could create pain and suffering in my life, I could change it to create joy, happiness, health and abundance. I found that I was always giving to others for many reasons. I didn’t receive approval from my parents as a child and therefore, I created challenges in my life where I would hope to get approval. Sometimes I didn’t get the approval and I would create even harder challenges and then I would fall into depression. I did not receive appreciation, so I would create situations where I thought I would be appreciated, but this did not happen either. I was used. I became a “people pleaser” so that I would have friends, but the friends I attracted did not really care about me and I was not living or speaking my truth because I was afraid of being rejected.

The price of nice was too hard and I realised that people did not want truth and I attracted a lot of dishonest people around me. I would choose people in my life who needed healing so I would not have time to spend on my own healing or to look at myself and my own negative behaviours. I didn’t hear compliments about how great I was, but I did hear the negative comments from others which reinforced the negative belief pattern about myself. The only time I received attention as a child, was when I was sick, so I created a myriad of illnesses to get attention and affection from others. One day I realised that I could give love and affection to myself without having to create an illness and that energy could be diverted to having fun in my life.

I think when I received the message from my Higher self that “YOU ARE ENOUGH”, I began to heal my self-worth and self-esteem issues and began to learn to love myself. I realised that if I did not love myself, I would not attract people into my life who loved me! So I asked my Higher Self, how can I learn to love myself? I also had realised that I was part of a “collective consciousness” who had introduced themselves in my sessions and I referred to them as “They”. I believe they are a group of Ascended Masters and archangels who have guided me also in my life. I was not clairvoyant, but my clairaudient and intuitive abilities were very good. My Higher Self said that the reason I could not see spirit, was because it would interfere with my work on earth and I wouldn’t want to stay here to complete the work.

I began by seeing the value in my life and how valuable I was, and my hypnosis sessions showed me how many levels I am working on in other dimensions and that sometimes I needed the days to rest, as the energy I was exerting in the other realms was immense. This was why my days had to be restful and relaxed although at first, I found that “boring”. I had been a healer in many lifetimes and they asked me to develop other gifts in my life which I could enjoy and to reach my full potential in other areas. I had played the piano from the age of 7, so I bought a keyboard and started to renew my interest in music. It is a great gift to be able to make your own music and this has helped me immensely to love myself. I also enjoyed art, so I enrolled in an Art Class and created a beautiful teacher who opened me to the amazing world of Art. I have displayed my art in exhibitions and sold paintings and still enjoy this gift today. They asked me to wake up each morning and think of ways to love myself!

I had always enjoyed massage and nurturing myself in this way, so I arranged a monthly massage to give to myself. The body needed good food, so I grew my own herbs and vegetables, and nurtured myself by making lovely meals for my partner and myself. I loved music, so I would play music and take walks around my home to strengthen and exercise my body and enjoy the sunshine or rain, just be grateful for all life would bring me. I would meditate daily in gratitude and bringing in the light to nurture and heal myself and my family and friends and to align my chakras in balance and harmony. I have 5 beautiful grandchildren to spend my time loving now and helping my children to cope in this chaotic world in which they live. My beautiful soul partner was employed on the physical plane, which provided us both with abundance financially. It was very hard for me to give up my work in the physical plane, as I had always supported myself financially, but my higher self said it was a contract that he support me while I do the work that they wanted me to do at night.

The main message I received was to live in balance and harmony, and that it was necessary for my higher purpose in the spiritual realms. For the past 7 years of managing and owning a bed and breakfast with many people coming into my life each day for healing in our retreat, it was very difficult when we shifted to South Yunderup as it was a very solitary experience. I left all the friends I had in Kalamunda to venture into the unknown and my partner continued his full time employment which was a much appreciated financial benefit to us both. I tried in vain to get employment, but then realised I wasn’t meant to work outside in the unreal world, and acceptance of my situation came into my life.

I began to be totally responsible for my own happiness, and if I found myself “boring”, then others would too? I decided to re-invent myself and fill my life with enjoyment and fun and only do the things I wanted to do. This change created so much in my life but it also took away so-called friends from my past, who really did not care about me at all. They were one-way friends and stayed in my life while I was caring about them! They said to “let go of people who did not care or appreciate you”. I had always been the one who was “caring” about them, mainly to fill my addiction of loneliness. When we have nothing to “do”, we normally fill our lives with our addictions. When you have “no addictions”, you cease to exist in this world. The people that used you, or rang you only when they were depressed, seem to disappear from your life. The people who were not “for your highest good”, just didn’t connect with you again. I was told that “they” would only bring people into my life who were for my highest good and happiness.

And the consequences of this choice? This left a huge “hole” in my life, which I had to fill from within myself, so I meditated each day to fill the gap in my life that these addictions had filled. When we have time to care about ourselves, we usually fill that time with caring about others, surviving financially, or our addictions such as smoking, alcohol, shopping, sex and a myriad of other ways. It is very hard to ‘JUST BE’. I have been given this gift which I truly value and appreciate from my highest core being.

We are human beings, not human doings! We are always wanting to be “busy” because it is so hard to stop and be with ourselves. It is a huge achievement to spend your time loving yourself and living from your divine goddess within and allowing each day to unfold in divine timing. When we reach the lowest ebb of our lives, we realise that our will is not working out and we need to surrender to “Divine Will” not “Our Will”. When this happens, our life changes so dramatically. We instantly know which way to go as we are guided by our intuition and therefore we are safe and protected in love wherever we go. Because I love myself, I attract the people that come into my life who are for my Highest Good and I don’t attract people who will not listen to me or who will take up my energy in a negative way. I also found that charging people for my services was a benefit to my self-love, as I found that people who pay money, tend to listen to the Practitioner, whereas not charging people was a waste of my time. If no-one is coming into my life at a certain time, I will fill my life with things I love to do, which will make me a more tolerant and patient person when someone asks for help from me in the future, because I have all the time in the world. I find that most people are “busy” now, locked in their fight for security in the world, or handling their dramas and karmas, and this I have found to be confronting to me, as I am obviously living on a different timeline? At first I found it very hard to accept that no-one had time to spend with me in my dimension of joy and happiness. I think that has been the hardest thing to accept, and to not take it personally. I live every day from my core being and accept everything that comes in and goes out of my life. Our years of having the bed and breakfast was a great lesson for me that people come in and people go out, and to detach emotionally to these changes. We are all changing constantly and nothing is secure anymore in the outside world. I find the security in my inner world now.